With a Full Heart I Say Goodbye...

I promised that I would come back to a bit more reflection of the significance of my graduation and completion of my Marriage and Family Counseling Degree.  It's been 5 years since I started this journey.  While I thought it would look very different at the end of this road, I am astonished and humbled by the enormous changes that have occurred in my life in that same time.  Some of them a direct cause of my classes and clinical experiences, some completely unrelated to my counseling training, but none the less very connected to my learning and growing process. 

 You see you cant become a good counselor unless you are willing to take a deep hard look at your own "stuff." If you aren't willing to face your pain and secrets, how can you ask another to trust you with the same leap?  In 5 years I have gone from a Master's student, Doctoral Candidate, to a drop out, to back to a Masters student.  I became a mom.  I discovered my inner artist.  I grew brave in love, in heart, and in voice.  I learned how to confront people with things they dont want to see in themselves, and how to walk them through the darkest moments of their lives. 

 

I have cried with my clients, laughed, played, and held their hands as we took steps together towards the people they were meant to be.  What I didnt realize was at the same time, I was taking those same steps towards the person I was meant to be.  Art has been my therapy throughout this whole process and I have explored with my clients all the ways that it can release their soul's joy as well. 

While it may be sometime before I take my first job as a clinician, the growth I experienced and the lessons taken away have become invaluable to me.  I am forever grateful to every mother, child, father, grandparent, spouse, friend, that trusted me to hold their secrets and believed in me to always be honest and pure in intentions for their lives.  I will never forget their stories, their pain, and their joys.  Thank you.

"Window to My Soul" 2010 Art Journal Cover by Harmony

XO, HARMONY

The Waiting is Over! My Spring has Arrived.

 New piece!  (click on pic to see details)

"Waiting for Spring" by Harmony 2011

11 X 17 Mixed Media on Wood

Available Here

I love being a mom and I also love being an artist.  Right now, I am also trying to squish in my predisposition and passion for the field of family counseling, which has rendered me feeling less than successful at all three.  I had all these ideas for what I was going to accomplish in my art-world this year, most of which have been shelved due to lack of time and energy.  I was adamant that I was going to really focus on keeping myself as strong and healthy as I possibly can for my second pregnancy (trying to avoid my family curse of the women becoming overweight after having multiple babies), but here I am 18 weeks into the process and I am already 3 lbs over the healthy target weight gain I had set for myself, trying very hard to keep my weight gain to 10lbs for the first 20 weeks.  I guess that means no more sugar and extra exercise for me for the next few weeks. (sigh...all i want to do is lay on the couch and eat carbs!).  In counseling, well, I get through it.  Some sessions are more exciting and creative than others.  I planned on really pushing myself during this clinical experience and trying to truly find my groove as a clinician, but often I find that I resorted to plain-old talk-based sessions and count down the minutes until our hour is over.  My three year old had finally decided that he had enough of mommy leaving and being left with a nanny, and so instead of his cheerful "bye-bye mommy!"and a kiss, he's now screaming, bawling, clinging to my leg as I squeeze out the door, "no, mommy, no mommy!"  Let me tell you leaving with a full heart of guilt and tears in my eyes really puts me in the right frame of mind to handle listening to other people's crises for the next 5 or so hours.  So after several weeks of floundering and telling myself it will get better, my winter of waiting has finally ended and it's like Spring has arrived with new life! - or more specifically, summer started ;) Public schools have let out for the summer, and while most other families are dealing with the headache of "what to do with the kids during the day while we work" sort of stuff, I am celebrating the release of my Oh So Helpful husband from his teaching job for almost 3 whole months (translates into the rest of my clinical internship semester).  Finally! I can take a few hours before going to work to paint, or run errands without a cranky 3 year old, and when I leave I get the happy go lucky "bye-bye" again, because how could you be sad when you get to hang out with your awesome Dad?!  Case in point... I got 4 whole hours to myself yesterday to paint and finally finished a piece I had started months ago.  (seen above)  It felt so good!  It is a larger painting with LOTS of mixed media incorporated, plaster, canvas scraps, vintage lace, fabric, acrylic paint, graphite, ink, stamping, carving, SO Textured and fun!  I also got to spend a sweet couple hours with a friend (I miss having friends in my days!) talking and planning some super fun artsy stuff together for the Fall Festival season.  I am starting to feel a bit less fragmented and more like myself with every passing day since my help arrived.  So the lesson in my story is, Moms, we can do it all but we wont feel very good about ourselves while we are doing it.  In fact, we might even lose parts of ourselves that make us feel whole.  Be good to yourself and your family, and take your breaks, simplify, remember that happy mommies means happy family.