the abandoned room
I also have to admit my own weakness for indulging his desire to be close to mom and dad during this phase. I too had fears as a child, and they frequently brought me to my own parent's bedroom floor to feel safe at night. Specifically, I had a reoccurring nightmare that would frequently bring me to a jolting wake-up, body covered in sweat and heart pounding. Nothing would console me except to leave my room and sleep where I knew my protectors were. Eventually it went away, and I found myself sleeping peacefully again, but I never forgot that nightmare. About 10 years ago, I was going through a really hard time emotionally, and started painting one afternoon to distract myself from my situation. All I had to work with was some roughly cut old wood squares, a bunch of old canvas, and some really old house paint, and so I just started layering and layering, not thinking just painting.
I couldnt stop for 3 days, just layering colors over colors, square after square, until I ended up with a 6 square series of black, cream, and yellow stripes. I thought very little about them, other than I thought they looked neat, and then I arranged them in a line, stood back, and found myself holding my breath. I had painted my childhood nightmare.
I instantly felt a peace about my own life drama at that time. I realized I had overcome hard things in the past and fears that was never able to truly understand, and I could do it again this time and grow from it. I found my courage in those paintings, and I keep them on my dining room wall to this day to remind me that I am strong and brave, and that I can have courage to take on whatever life sends my way.
I hope this same lesson for my son, to find his own sense of courage and place of serenity. Right now, it's my bedroom floor and that's ok. One day when he's ready, I hope to teach him how to use his love of art making to bring him new discoveries about his own strength and spirit that he never knew before. What are your fears? How has art making been healing for you in those places? What gives you courage?
sleep tight sweet boy...
XO, HARMONY
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