Monday, June 7, 2010
Does it have to be a choice?
I am really starting to own the fact that I am an artist. I have been loving this process so much and the more that I let art creep into my daily life, the happier and more at peace I am in my Spirit. I sit down in the morning with my cup of coffee and a bagel and look over the work I had done the night before, getting more excited and inspired to pick back up with that particular project today. I get in the zone, the rest of the world clears away, my heart soars, I feel completely at peace, pick up my paint brush, and then...
TUG TUG TUG... pulling at my pants leg. He's awake.
This is the moment, the choice that I have to make everyday over and over. Be an Artist, or be a Good Mother. I could pop a video in for him, keep him occupied with a waffle, some juice, and Buzz LightYear. This would give me almost two hours to get lost in my painting, create something new, put up a new blog post, catch up on other blog posts, catch up on my Kelly Rae E-course (I am so behind on those posts!), check on etsy sales, or whatever my heart desired as an Artist. I COULD do this and it would be fine, but I SHOULD put down the paint brush, take his little hand and have breakfast together, then take a walk outside to find some bugs, visit our local library storytime, cuddle up together reading our favorite story books, make a wholesome and nutritious lunch, and so on and so on.
So I choose my son, (we all knew I would), and hang on to the hope that today he will take an amazing 2-hour nap that will allow me to work for a bit in the afternoon.... Which, of course, doesnt happen. He sleeps for only 30 minutes and wakes up cranky and clingy and wants to be on top of me ALL THE TIME! My prepared paints sit exposed to the air and untouched until they are unusable. My halfway finished painting stares at me screaming to be worked on. I see it in my head, what I want to do to it next, visualize working on it, all while pushing a stroller around the block with my whiny 2-year old inside. Before I know it, it's 5pm. My husband is home from work and wanting to spend time together as a family, dinner needs to be made, then time for baths and bed time routine, and if I am lucky, I will get a little bit of time to work before I go to bed, but often I am so wiped out from 2-year old playtime all day that I just give up and go to bed.
Its a battle like this everyday. And I will admit that some days, I do put on the 2 hour morning movie so I can connect a little bit with myself, the self that I knew before I became a Mommy. Inevitably, I always feel guilty about this choice. Like I am trading in my son's experiences for my own. I feel like a Bad Mom on those days. Is is always a choice like this? How to you other mommies do it? Can you be both a great Artist and a Great Mommy at the same time?
Today I am going to try to have them both. I will keep trying everyday, until I get it right - or he grows up and starts needing me less ;)
So we are off today to the printers to get 2 paintings scanned, get prints made, a stop at the post office to ship my weekend etsy sales, and then a trip to the local natural history museum.
(And seriously, I welcome any tips on balancing full-time mothering a toddler and part-time art business.)
Have A Creative Day!