Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A New Years Confession

Why is it so hard to get back into a good routine after the Christmas Holiday break?  Its been over 2 weeks since I last posted, and I find I am struggling to get "back to the norm." As I speak its 12pm, my son and I are still in our PJs enjoying a lunch of leftover popcorn from one of those Christmas tins that they sell for $5 around the holidays.  I spent the last weekend doing nothing but watching reruns of a fashion design reality show, (something about watching the creative process of other art mediums, gives me new ideas for my own artwork), and I just cant seem to get myself out of the vacation mindset or even close to thinking about starting a new art project.  Part of the problem is this:

Yes, this is my creative space.  Its a fantastic mix of the aftermath of 3 months of shows, Christmas gift making, and storing all the extra random stuff I acquired from my show displays that will no longer fit in our overstuffed garage.  Its a holy wreck and it is wreaking a bit of a havoc in my head space for creating.  So before I can take anything thing new on, I have to clear out the old and get it organized.... (what a cliche way to start the new year) - :)

Here is a bit of something I started working on before the Christmas break and just cant seem to get momentum on now to finish it.  Its like everything I try to do on it just feels muddled and without clear intention.  I am hoping if I make myself clean my work space that my heart space for imagination and creativity will clear out as well.

I will also admit to you a bit of my own personal process constantly going on in background of my thoughts throughout all of this.  I chose to finish my Counseling Degree this year, (previous post about that HERE) and my mother's over thinking, guilt, and needless worrying has kicked in the last few days.  It took me hours to fall asleep last night, as I went over my new schedule AWAY from home and AWAY from my son over and over in my head.  I want nothing more than to stay home with him and finish my last clinical when he (and any other subsequent children) are older and busy with their own school schedule, but unfortunately, the world doesn't work like that, and I have to choose between finishing now or not finishing at all.   As I am writing this out, I am realizing how much borderline anxiety I've been holding onto about this upcoming transition for my son and myself, and this is probably contributing to my feelings of overwhelm and confusion when it comes to starting a new art project.

So I am giving myself permission to slow down, take one step at a time, first clean my work space, let my heart start to clear of my worry and calm my nerves, and ease into giving time and attention to other sides of my life that I may not be so excited about...  and in the mean time, there will be lots and lots of attack hugs and silliness.


  1. I am going through the same issues. However what was my creative space was given up and I have organized everything but it is now in spaces that are hidden (closets and such) so my creative space is not as accessible so to speak. I have big ideas and projects bursting in my head but I cant seem to find the motivation to get the paint out of the closet at out on the canvas. Frustrating I tell you. (thanks for the mini therapy session)

  2. Good for you. Slowing down and giving yourself permission to just BE what you need to be is so healthy.

  3. Just a Thought: My name is Deborah and I am a mother of 4, I have been a stay at home mother for 21 years. If you have the opportunity to finish...I say go for it! Even if your future holds being a stay at home mother/artist, (which is what I have done.) Do it while their young! Statistically they (who ever they are) say it is better to be home for your children right when they come home from school as they grow up. 91% of sexual activity in teens is during the week & between 3:00 and 5:00 because they are home alone and unsupervised. I have always picked my kids up from school and when we got home it was all about them, talking about their day and a snack. I Loved it! Open communication and standing around my kitchen island. My boys are 21 and 18 so they're pretty busy and not home as much but, the girls are 16 and 12 and I enjoy out chat time. In the end I think when they are younger their memories are limited and it is all about in the moment with a 2 min. attention span and that is where the tears come from... But, as they get older they will remember you were a present parent, listening, caring and no topic was off limits.
    P.S. I am with you in the studio mess, Yikes!
    It is either the vacation holiday mindset or winter Blahs after the holidays.
    I haven't posted in 2 weeks either, stop by and say hi sometime, Many Blessings Deborah

  4. I totally understand what you're going through right now! Very similar for me and my photography except that it's all nicely stored away on my computer. I just finished season 6 of Project Runway on Hulu last night - I'm kinda obsessed with that show - I could never do it but I feel the process is sometimes similar.

    I'll be praying for you as you start your new schedule.

  5. i am going thru this too .. i feel a little lost but i'm trying to be patient with myself. love this post

  6. Hi, I'm Jessica from Singapore.

    I just want to say that your works look fantastic!

    Love it a lot!

  7. I just found you via Brighter Sunshine. Love your art! Can't wait to see what you come up with next {after you slow down and relax, of course!}!

  8. I've also had a hard time getting back into my creative groove after the holidays. And like you, my creative space is a mess -- even messier than yours! Thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone. :-)

    And good for you for giving yourself permission to take time getting things reorganized and restarted. You're a wise woman!

    Best of luck luck to you with your clinicals. It will obviously be a big shift for your family, but I bet that it will feel better to finish your degree rather than live forever with the "what ifs."


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